Magiwhoops
by I.C. Weener
Summary: She's a real firecracker.


" _Bomb voyage."_

\- Dorian Gray, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

* * *

Magilou hit her boiling point. She was a strong independent magess who didn't need some spooky magic consulate to tell her she was the best at what she did. That was the whole reason she left the Abbey ages ago.

The office of the Headmistress of Exorcisms would have been a depressingly quiet and dull place if it weren't for Magilou's rambunctious company. Teresa was seated behind her large oaken desk with her eyes courteously drawn on her guest and her hands tucked in a praying steeple under her chin. Magilou was staring her down vengefully on the opposite side of the desk, holding her fists straight at her sides and grinding her heels into the carpet as she fumed. Her pointed pastel-trimmed hat bobbed around as she moved her head in rhythm with her impatient chattering.

"I solved the grandfather paradox. I turned lead into gold. I turned a toad into a prince. I've permutated the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious hexadrom into seven coordinates. I watered the flowers in the rectory. Will you give me my darn Master's Tome already, ya lousy fart?"

Magilou hated the Abbey for their soulless pomp and formality, but she could never learn the last few spells she needed without gaining access their highest magic codas first.

"You're the quite accomplished one, I see," Teresa answered with a respectful nod, hiding something darker in her thoughts. "But I'm afraid I can't allow you to pass this semester's witching training. There's one key lesson you've completely overlooked."

" **What?** " Magilou stubbornly snapped back. She leaned over the desk as she planted her fists next to her visible pelvic ridges.

"A wise sorceress should always be nice toward her superiors," Teresa said with an innocent smile. She unfolded one hand and effortlessly spun her palm in the air, instantly cursing Magilou to suffering and fiery damnation.

The 20-foot-long bookcases lining the walls of the office began to vibrate with supernatural energy. Books hovered off of the shelves under their own volition and began circling around Magilou in a fluttering whirlwind. Her eyes widened with confusion and fright as the largest volumes in the collection flipped wide open and pointed their pages toward her.

Geysers of flames shot from the books like dragon's breath. Magilou disappeared in an instant into the dense circular inferno, but her screams could easily be heard over the _whoosh_ of the flames. Teresa watched quietly as her serene smile turned chilling.

This fire was mystical in nature, however, and not the physical kind that would have turned Magilou into deep roasted Magilambchops. It worked like a spell circle that planted a deadly curse in her, starting from her feet and rising to the tip of her hat like poisoned water slowly filling a sorceress-shaped tank. The intention of the spell was to flip her magic polarities around from the inside-out and turning her entire self into a source of highly volatile mystic energy. Unfortunately for her, the spell's effectiveness was dependent on the level of innate magic power resonating through target's body, and Magilou's body was as magically imbued as they come.

The witch's horrified squealing ended before the flames gently died down. The floating tomes closed their binding and neatly organized themselves back on the shelves by author's name.

Magilou was a living silhouette. Her figure and the clothing worn over it had turned almost pitch black. She was covered with crisscrossing lines of red magical glyphs pulsing through her darkened appearance like streams of lava flowing through black igneous rocks. In physiological terms, she probably had more in common with a magma elemental than a human being in this state. She was calm, eerily docile, and quietly simmering through her breathing. The locks on her book-skirt still jingled lightly when she moved.

The headmistress rose from her chair at her personal leisure and stepped to the front of her desk. She curiously and fearlessly tucked her ear to the left side of Magilou's slim chest, gently pressing her lobe against a black surface that was cool to the touch. A grin crossed her elegant lips as she listened to the witch's spellbound heartbeat.

"Ohhh, dear. That sounds positively _dreadful_ ," she said with cheerful pride. She stood back and looked into Magilou's burning crimson eyes, nodding as she eagerly gave the prognosis.

"I'd say you have only have another two or three hours left, my little magic grenade. Then that horrible rotten potato you call a heart will give up from the strain I've placed on it and you'll just be _bursting_ with energy. It's the only thing keeping you just stable enough so you don't turn this whole office into a bonfire as we speak. It's a shame the spell is always fatal to all parties involved."

" _What do you command of me?_ " Magilou asked in a lifeless and mysterious tone, barely raising her voice above a whisper. The Abbey mage's smile widened.

"Return to your troublesome party with that badgering Velvet girl. Spend the precious time you have left with them," she said an encouraging and suggestive manner.

" _Farewell, Mistress_ ," Magilou said quietly. She turned around and went out the office door in a cold stride, jingling the buckles on the rear of her skirt as she walked.

The headmistress returned to her seat and shuffled her fingers back into a steeple. She went back to working on the important matters of the day, completely forgetting about the rude and vile little wench who had intruded her office.

* * *

 _Author's note: The female villain role was originally written for an unnamed "snarky old lady who hates bossy girls" stock character. I switched her to Teresa after I researched the game a little bit more (never got a chance to play it myself). Apparently Teresa turns into some Sarah Kerrigan demon bug thing in the late game. I'm not really sure what's going on there, but I thought her normal design looked cool in a "Mint Adenade if she had a mean streak" kinda way._


End file.
